Short Stories 9

Broken Soul

by BlueLotus

URL: http://www.stargateslash.com/asb/blotus/shorts09.php
Summary: Daniel is forced to do something to save his team
Info: Another word challenge entry for SSD. Thanks to Marah for her speedy beta!

I was raised never to hit a woman. Never. Men who hit women are weak cowards, low-life bullies, pond scum... Years of foster fathers that drilled that into me, sometimes too violently, have left deep emotional scars, but I would never hit a woman, I would never be that man.

Or I thought I wouldn't.

As Jack tries to comfort me, the best he can, I can't help but think about what happened on that miserable sick planet.

"You did the right thing, Danny," he says softly for the tenth time. But at what cost...?

//"It is your right as Speaker for your Tribe to exact this punishment," the small pudgy leader said slowly so that I could understand him. I frowned, and shook my head.

"I do not wish to exact any punishment, Traniesh, Speaker for your People," I replied with a small humble lowering of my eyes. "It is not necessary."

But Traniesh wasn't going to accept that, and to my horror, Jack, Teal'c and Sam were grabbed, stripped of their equipment and held at knife point - a very clear warning.

"It is necessary, Dan-yel, Speaker for your Tribe. Very necessary," Traniesh snarled at me, his fat face twisting into an ugly angry mask. He was deadly serious.

"Daniel," Jack hissed from where he was being held. "What the hell is going on?"

"Jack-"

"You tell Tranny to let us the fuck GO! Now!"

"Jack, listen," I said urgently when the knife at my lover's throat dug in a little deeper. "Just don't antagonise them... They're insisting I carry out the punishment."

The raw pain in my eyes silenced Jack. It was enough for me to have to deal with the stupid and cruel punishment; Jack knew I didn't need to worry about him too.

And cruel it was too. The crime was paltry. A young woman had been seen talking to me, curious about my glasses, but in this culture, that apparently was a big no-no. The punishment, a public beating, was to be carried out by the man supposedly insulted - me.

She was barely in her twenties, beautiful with long black hair, and a smile that radiated sunshine. I was appalled by the turn of events, but no amount of talking would change anything.

I had to beat her in public. I had to hit a woman.

I turn back to Traniesh, whose face was now red with undisguised anger. "Let them go and I'll carry out the punishment."

He got up really close to me and breathed his rancid, pipe smoking breath into my face. "No. Punishment first, Dan-yel, Speaker for your Tribe."

No choice.

We were led to an arena where the poor girl was knelt in the center, the edges filled with a stern looking audience. Ironically, this was what fascinated me about this culture in the first place - the very Roman like way of life, although here, the women, as we found out, were treated as second class citizens, punished for the most menial of crimes. I never expected to actively be a part of a punishment though.

My teammates were dragged into the arena too, manhandled and surrounded by poised knives. I caught Jack's eyes in a brief glimpse of support, but I was still in turmoil inside.

I still had to hit this girl.

Silence filled the stands as Traniesh spoke, his guttural language now grating my ears. Justice? What justice?

"Begin!" Traniesh ordered. I didn't move. I couldn't! No matter how much I wanted, needed to protect my team, I just couldn't bring myself to hit her.

"Dan-yel, Speaker for your Tribe, begin!" My eyes found his then and I deliberately shook my head, and he hit me - hard.

My left cheek stung, and I could taste blood, but I still shook my head. The next strike was harder, and my nose bled. I still shook my head.

A shout brought my attention towards my team, and I looked in fear as the knife at Jack's throat drew blood.

"No! No!" I shouted. "You win, Traniesh, Speaker for your People, I'll do it."

The ugly pudgy leader grinned smugly. My mouth dried up when a very baseball bat-like club was thrust into my hand and I swallowed painfully. The poor girl's eyes widen at the size of the club, but she made no sound. My heart thumped hard in my chest as I approached her, palms sweaty and numb around the handle, but as I prepared to swing it for the first blow, my fingers opened and the club fell to the ground.

I would never hit a woman!

A cry of outrage sounded behind me, and Jack was hauled over to kneel next to the accused.

"Dan-yel, Speaker for your Tribe," Traniesh growled harshly, spittle spraying; "This is your final warning. You will carry out this punishment, or your leader will die in her place!"

What choice did I have?

In the end I used my fist, and I hit her once - a carefully placed blow that knocked her out. Traniesh seemed satisfied with that and let us go.//

"You did the right thing. You got us out of there, you saved her... saved me," Jack whispers against my temple. He's rocking me gently, waiting for the damn to break.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful we made it back alive, and in one piece. I knew full well that if I didn't do what they wanted, both Jack and the girl would've been killed. It's just... I feel I've lost something - left behind back there on that planet, dying with my self-respect, my self-worth, my sanity that was taken from me the moment my fist impacted her delicate flesh. I'm numb and yet feel like I'm going to crumble away to nothing.

My cheek still throbs and I hold onto the pain, like it's the only tangible thing that's right.

I hit a woman. What does that make me?

There are no words of comfort right now that can melt the ice in my heart. I know I have to accept what I did, and a small part of me understands why, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself.

So I let the damn break and crumble, letting Jack catch me fall, allowing his love envelop me - help me try to piece back together my broken soul.

Next: Cloud Games