Trying To Turn Over A New Leaf

by Bethany

URL: http://www.stargateslash.com/asb/bethany7/tryingto.php
Summary: A whumped Jack needs Daniel to help him heal/live with himself

"Who's that?" Daniel asked, as he leafed through Jack's photo album of old comrades.

"That's our Chaplain. He came with us." Jack said.

Daniel realised how Jack was staring at the page. "Are you ok? He asked.

"Yeah!" Jack said, half-hearted in spite of his efforts.

"Jack..?" Daniel encouraged gently.

"He was my lover, Daniel..." Jack said, not looking at Daniel, or the photo, and swigging his beer.

Daniel almost did a double take as he digested Jack's words. "Okay..." Was all he could say, for the minute...

"That's why God took Charlie away from me..." Jack said quietly.

"What??" Daniel asked.

"Because I had an affair, with a man, when I was supposed to be a good husband and father..." Jack said.

"Jack, these things happen..." Daniel mused.

"By my own gun..." Jack mentioned.

"You had the thing locked up, Jack!" Daniel repeated what he'd said before.

"It was my fault!" Jack said, looking away from Daniel to the wall... "I wasn't using Sara... I honestly thought I could make it work! But while I was away, with Magnus," Jack sparingly looked at the photo... "Things happened..." Jack took a breath. "And when I got home, Charlie died. My fault!" He berated himself. "I betrayed everybody! That photo shouldn't even be there!!"

"It was not your fault!" Daniel stated genuinely.

"If he had lived, it isn't as if I would have kept on having affairs... I knew what I did to his mother was wrong..! And with a damn Priest as well!! Did I encourage Magnus to be damned, too?" Jack pounded his fist into his leg.

"No!" Daniel reached out, and held that hand, waiting, and making Jack look into his eyes.

"I can't go with a man again... I can't. It would mean I don't care! I haven't repented enough!!" Jack said.

"Do you love women, really??" Daniel asked.

"Sara was the only one who got close to that..!" Jack replied. "Charlie must be looking down from Heaven, and doubly hating me, Daniel!!"

"Things make more sense when you're in Heaven, I have to believe that!" Daniel replied. "He won't hate you... And God doesn't hate you!! He wouldn't ever take it out on Charlie... Because things make more sense to God, too, y'know!! No matter what the Bible seems to be saying..."

"You don't hate me??" Jack asked.

"No. I don't!" Daniel said certainly, clasping Jack's hand a little for emphasis.

"Not even for times like Thor's Hammer, and saving Teal'c over Sha're??" Jack suddenly asked something that had bugged him for years.

"Teal'c was there, and he was a victim, too!" Daniel reminded Jack.

"I'm such a selfish bastard, Daniel! I do what I want to, no matter what, like giving the order to save Teal'c that time, not thinking about you, or the other people..!" Jack thought aloud. "It's a pattern..." He said tiredly.

"You've done so much good, Jack... And you've always got the best motives! Remember what you tell me on my days like this!" Daniel consoled his friend. He'd never seen the man so open and true. "You deserve happiness, too... Life is unfair to you as well sometimes! None of this would have happened if that weren't so!"

Jack looked to Daniel, sitting beside him, the photograph album still on his lap. "Daniel," He paused a little. "I'm wishing you were more than my friend..." He couldn't believe he was saying all this, but he was!

"I don't want to make you do anything you'll hate yourself for..." Daniel said gently.

"You're gay, too?!" Jack asked, incredulously.

"Yes, Jack... You and I have a lot in common." Daniel replied.

"I want to be healed, Daniel. I've tried everything I know!" Jack said, exasperated.

"Ditto!" Daniel recalled of himself.

"Kiss me?" Jack asked.

That took Daniel's breath away. He couldn't believe Jack was being like this. Part of him was afraid it'd all change by tomorrow... "Are you sure?" He asked. "This isn't just too much drink? I'm not taking advantage?"

Jack looked at Daniel.

There were actual tears in the man's eyes, Daniel noticed... And, he had to kiss them away...

The End

Magnus, the Priest, is meant to be visually based on Tom Selleck in the Magnum P.I era..!

Author's Note: I make no money, and mean to step on no one's toes at all,by writing my stories... Feedback welcome as long as it is always polite.