In The Land Of Hope, There Is No Winter 1

In The Land Of Hope, There Is No Winter

by Bethany

URL: http://www.stargateslash.com/asb/bethany6/inthelan.php
Summary: Daniel was taken to an Alien fertility Lab and surgically given a womb and a baby while unconscious. Now, when the Tauri are trying to help all the other men/victims found in the Lab, go home, Daniel and Jack have a truthful heart to heart
Info: This story does NOT contain rape scenes... It was all done surgically, but it is still a massive, unnatural intrusion, so Daniel still has something to recover from/prepare for

"At least we can get some of them home again..." Daniel looked around the large ship that had been temporarily turned into a hospital ward...

Jack stood beside him, trying to hide his frown of concern. "Yep." He breathed. "Are you still okay with the way things are now?"

Daniel turned to him, so blue eyes burning in to him for the briefest moment.

"I'm not abandoning a child." He said. "I was abandoned, so I won't let it happen to the baby..." Daniel took in Jack's eyes, and added. "I don't mean by my Mom and Dad... That wasn't their fault. But afterward, there was nothing, through no fault of my own... I don't want to do that to my child."

"Daniel, a man's body is not made to have kids!" Jack whispered firmly, in a corner of the ship, wondering not for the first time whether Daniel should even be here, on the ship, while those men whose home planets and families could be found, went home to try and rebuild their lives...

"Mine has been made to try, hasn't it?" Daniel reminded Jack.

Jack frowned fretfully, and his stomach churned again, at the thought of what Daniel had been and would be asked to do... Did these bad guys, if they ever got back on their feet, have the idea of coming back to claim the children of 'their' race..?

"You don't even know who the father is, what he might be capable of, whether he might track you and it down one day..!"

"Thanks for reminding me!" Daniel crossed his arms angrily. "You don't want me to have the child in case they come knocking on Earth's door... Well, I've done enough for planet Earth, Jack, I really have! And if I got rid of the baby, if I killed it, that might make them all the more likely to want war!!"

"I just want you to be safe, Danny..!" Jack pointed out.

"And normal again!!" Daniel replied.

Jack put his arm on Daniel's shoulder. "It's not your fault that some alien bozos were reduced to turning men into child bearers to ensure the continuation of their race..."

"Tell me something I don't know..!" Daniel said.

Jack wanted to say I love you, but he couldn't, and he wondered if that would even be news to Daniel... "Sorry..." He said.

"It's not your fault either..." Daniel responded.

"It is!" Jack stated. "God, I'm useless at protecting people, yet they still damn well let me do it for a living!!" He fumed.

"It's not your fault I was taken to an alien lab, prepared, and... impregnated... somehow... Thank God I was drugged... I don't want to remember how it might have happened!" Daniel confessed.

"It was all surgical, Daniel..." Jack touched Daniel's shoulder again, carefully. "Frasier and co. have proven that, and I know it's the truth..."

"How??" Daniel asked. "Did you see?"

"No, Daniel... I wasn't there... I'm so sorry..." Jack let himself say the words.

"I know you are. I know you... That I do remember!" Daniel answered him.

"I know it was all surgical because I... I interrogated several of them, separately, when we realised what was going on..." Jack replied.

"Thanks." Daniel said, looking at Jack again right then.

Jack smiled a little...

"I know I'm taking a risk..." Daniel said. "I know I am." He paused. "I mean, how am I to know whether or not the problem that made all of this going against nature crap... necessary... How am I to know it won't mutate to affect the men, in the next generation, if it's a boy, or affect me...? And what happens to her, if I do have a daughter?" Daniel's throat constricted and he shivered.

Jack looked at him, and prayed silently for the first time since before Charlie died... He wanted to put his arm around Daniel's shoulder. He wanted to, but he didn't want to push things... "I doubt they'll want war... Too many other people's planets are gonna be angry at them..."

"Are they?!" Daniel challenged. "All those men who were like me, asleep in that Lab will be going home to worlds that will likely never understand, never even want to understand what happened to them, and they themselves will probably want to ignore it, too!"

"We're not gonna let anyone take your child, no matter what, Daniel... I know I took Reese from you... I know I killed her as well as Charlie, but believe me, I do know what this, what your child," Jack looked to Daniel's stomach, wanting to touch it, but holding back, unsure what to do for the best, "means to you... I know how precious they are!"

"Jack, Reese was a robot intent on destroying us, I realise that... And I just told you that what Charlie did was not your fault... It wasn't exactly his either, cos he was a kid, but it certainly, honest to God, if I still believe in Him after a lifetime of being told and shown how gods are full of shit, was never your fault, even for a split second!"

Jack frowned and looked to the sky. "Try and have the strength, Daniel, but don't worry about being strong... You're not expected to go through this alone. I'll give you your space some days, when you need it, but I'll never let you be alone..."

Daniel nodded. "Well, I guess of all the people this has happened to, maybe I'm the right one..." He spoke.

"You don't deserve this, Daniel!" Jack looked right at him.

"My own stupid behaviour killed my wife, and eventually, her entire people..!" Daniel stated. "My family died, again!" He tried to control himself. "And that isn't the only thing I've done, you know it isn't!!"

"That wasn't your fault either!" Jack assured, or tried to. "None of the bullshit you've been through in your life is your fault, not like me... Charlie, and everything... That was all my doing!"

"Now you're talking crap!!" Daniel announced. "That gun was locked up. Charlie had been warned. You did everything you could!"

Jack managed to look at Daniel.

They both had tears in their eyes.

"I meant that maybe this happened to me, because people have said I should've been a girl..." Daniel explained, hushed.

"What do you mean..?!" Jack asked.

"Fuck it!" Daniel threw up his hands, still quietly. "My career for the SGC is over, my career before that one was over already... I might as well tell you... Even if it means admitting something I've been afraid of for years... I used Sha're, Jack... I loved her, yeah, really loved her, but not like that... And that makes me as bad as the scientists that used my body, doesn't it??"

"No!!" Jack informed Daniel, then pondered what Daniel had said before that. What??" Jack backtracked.

"I'm gay, Jack!" Daniel blurted out, still in almost silent tones, even though his voice was stronger in that moment. He still didn't want to draw attention to himself. "I'm gay..!" He repeated.

"So?!" Jack just about managed.

"So, it's twisted irony or justice that I've got to give birth!" Daniel fathomed.

"You haven't got to do anything, Daniel!" Jack told him.

"I know..." Daniel assured him. "But I want to... Something good has gotta come from this ordeal, and I need a family, Jack... That's why I stayed on Abydos..."

Jack turned to Daniel, and touched, but didn't hold his elbow. He was cautious for Daniel's sake. "You know I'll be there for you, Daniel..."

Daniel tried to smile properly because he so wanted to be able to. "I love you, Jack..." He said.

Jack did a double take.

Daniel fidgeted.

"Do you mean that..?" Jack got out.

"Why?" Daniel tried not to be overwhelmed with tears and fear.

"I mean, you don't have to say that... It's too early... You might just be saying it because..." Jack trailed off.

"Because I'm needy right now, scared, and I trust you..?" Daniel levelled. "I know, as much as I hate myself for admitting it so readily, it's all true... I don't know entirely what I mean by it either..."

"Doesn't matter, Danny..." Jack said immediately. "I'll be there when you need me... I know I wasn't, when, well, not just then...But I will be..."

"Those times, like on Kelowna when I made my decision, you can't keep blaming yourself for any of them, Jack!" Daniel tried to get through to him.

Again, Jack tried to smile a little...

"Will it be alright between us if I do figure out that, y'know, I Love love you..? You won't hate me or leave me somehow?? Write off our friendship, be afraid of what I could do?"

Jack slowly invited Daniel into a gradual hug. "I won't hate you, be afraid of you, or leave you and the baby, ever..."

"You're really gonna be okay with the fact that your gay best friend loves you?" Daniel asked Jack.

"I am!" Jack met Daniel's eyes. "Because I more than admire you, y'know, do ya get me..?"

Daniel looked shocked for a minute.

"No pressure or anything though, ever, I guarantee it... Whatever, I'll be okay with it, Danny!" Jack smoothed Daniel's hair, and was glad he'd been allowed to hold him. "Listen to me, Daniel..." He said, knowing that Daniel would now worry about what might happen if he didn't want to be with him, (Jack) in the future... "I'll be okay... We'll be okay... And I'm gonna be there for you, no strings, no pressure, no crap... Just us getting each other through the bullshit, like we always do... And, one day, Daniel, there might even be good days to enjoy..."

Daniel moved slowly out of the embrace. "What will everyone think? We're lucky if someone didn't just spot my moment of frailty, Jack..."

"It's nothing to worry about, Daniel, and please, don't ever hate yourself..!" Jack brushed Daniel's hand while they shared a look, meeting each other's eyes, like they'd always been able to... "We'll make the baby number one priority if you want him or her, but I'll never forget you, Daniel... You won't get lost in all this!" Jack noted Daniel, in tears again, "Don't be ashamed of yourself, Daniel... Let me be here for you..."

Daniel walked into Jack's arms again, and again, he felt safe...

The End

Next: Love & Hate, Fear & Hope