In The Land Of Hope, There Is No Winter 4

Making It Through The Winter

by Bethany

URL: http://www.stargateslash.com/asb/bethany6/inthel04.php
Summary: Daniel is having a check-up in the SGC Infirmary, and he sees Sam for the first time in quite a while

Daniel didn't know if he really wanted anyone but the truly necessary people to see him like this. It was ridiculous! Here he was, practically hoisted onto the examination table, which he hated, because it made him think of what had happened to him, as if the pregnancy bump wasn't enough reminder, and he was trying to shrink his form behind Jack, who stood in front of him, drawing the curtain, discreetly, as he spoke with Sam...

I've got to get over this..! Daniel kept saying to himself. I can't lose my friends!!

"So, how are you all?" He could hear Sam ask Jack.

"The Doc says we're fine..!" Jack said.

What an absurd world! Daniel pondered. There Sam is, thought Jack would be hers; she probably even hoped she'd have a baby with him one day, and here I am, I'm the one..! Is she going to get upset?! Will she be someone to worry about??! Daniel couldn't help but consider it...

"We spend our days flicking through name books actually!" Jack said, with his signature light-heartedness.

It was true... They had been, once... But they were nervous of doing everything too soon... They'd considered Jadan, Jordan, Ryan, Keiran, and more... But they'd agreed that if it was a son they were having, and he bore a name that was a mixture of both of theirs, i.e Jadan, he would carry that moniker forever... If he wanted to join the Military, it would be a constant reminder that he came from a background of 'gay marriage', and it would probably triple the reasons that he wouldn't be allowed in to the Military... It wasn't as though Jack and Daniel were ashamed of their partnership; it was just that they knew how cruel the world could be... They didn't particularly want their son or daughter to join the Military either, but he or she might want to do exactly that... And it wouldn't be fair to make life even more awkward and difficult for them.

Daniel tried to quell another piece of paranoia, that Jack might have a double reason for drawing the curtain around the Infirmary bed on which his extremely pregnant, and increasingly distraught boyfriend sat, maybe he did it not for Daniel, but because he wanted to be alone with Sam, to shut Daniel out... But Daniel fought to snap out of that way of thinking... He could hear everything, every rustle of movement, every word, every shift of body posture, shuffling feet, etc... And the curtain wasn't absolutely shut. He could still peek around it, if he wished to move. He made the decision to try, so he moved, shifting his head, and smiling...

Sam saw him. "Hi!" Her face broke into an immediate smile.

Daniel thought it genuine. "Hi..." He tried to smile back.

Jack looked over his shoulder at Daniel, and gave him a smile that said 'well done', and then, he turned back to Sam.

There was a pause.

Sam spoke to Jack, but also to Daniel, whom she could see behind Jack, who stood before her. "We miss you guys..." She told them simply.

Jack nodded shyly.

"We miss you, too, you and Teal'c, Vala and Mitchell..." Daniel courageously managed. He sighed after he said it, behind the curtain, shivering momentarily with the effort, the scars, the realisation... He hoped Janet didn't notice, as she monitored some monitors he was attached to. He really meant it, he decided, and he hoped he always would... Because truth was, these days, he was so scared of everybody, whether it was paranoia or not. The only one he truly trusted was Jack, and he tried to shut out scary thoughts that one day, even Jack might be 'reached'. He had to try and have faith! It was so frightening, considering that, sometimes, he was even scared of the baby, and of himself... At this rate, he said to himself, you'll be so anxious when the baby's born, they'll give you meds, and keep you away from it...They might do that anyway, but you can't give them any reason to. You've got to keep it together!

The End

Next: The Truths Of Winter